It’s not uncommon for couples to see ups and downs in their relationships. Unfortunately, the issues are sometimes too serious to be resolved even after both the partners work hard together to fix their relationship. During such times, one question that usually comes to their mind is “Do we need couple counseling?” There are some unavoidable signs which indicate that the relationship has come to a point where a couple should consider counseling. In Part 1 of this series, I’ll be throwing light on some distress signals that suggest it could be time for a couple to seek professional help before it is too late.

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Same old arguments: It’s normal for a couple to argue over common issues such as money, in-laws, parenting, etc. But it’s not normal for a couple to keep arguing over the same issues repeatedly. Having disagreements about the same issues over and over again is a sign that those issues are not being resolved. In fact, refusing to give ground or compromise is considered to be a reliable predictor of divorce. A therapist can help the couple understand why these arguments continue to happen and uncover their root causes.


Negative communication: It’s healthy for a couple to argue when they remain focused on the issue without criticizing, ridiculing, and shaming each other. Using arguments to attack each other’s character and trade insults seriously damages the emotional security of a relationship. Such negative communication between couples often leaves one of the partners feeling judged, ashamed, and insecure. Having conversations in an ugly, negative tone also indicates serious problems between couples in a relationship and a therapist can teach a couple how to communicate in a positive fashion.


Silent treatment: Another indicator of serious problems in a relationship is a complete breakdown in communication where couples have zero conversation and give each other the “silent treatment.” Some couples also completely avoid hot-button topics to prevent conflicts in their relationship. Avoiding certain topics to prevent conflicts indicates lack of safety in a relationship and a therapist can help a couple find new ways of communicating with each other.


Lack of sex: Sex is considered to be a barometer of emotional health and lack of emotional intimacy often leads to lack of physical intimacy. An almost non-existent sex life indicates that something is seriously wrong with the relationship. A lack of physical intimacy could also indicate that sex is being used as a tool of power or revenge in a broken relationship. On the other hand, an abnormal increase in sex could mean that one partner is making an effort to compensate for something they’re doing that they consider as wrong. In such cases, a therapist can help restore physical intimacy and rebalance the power dynamics between the couple.


No emotional support: It’s important for couples to have a full, shared emotional life. But sometimes, emotions may appear as irrational, undesirable, or unhelpful to one partner who may be unable to understand why the other partner feels and reacts in a certain manner. Emotional disengagement drains the life from a marriage. If you’re finding it difficult to reach out to your partner for emotional support and can no longer trust them with emotional vulnerability, then your relationship is at risk and you could be in need of couple counseling.


As a couple, if you’ve been seeing any one or more of these signals in your relationship for some time now and haven’t had much success in resolving these issues, then you should opt for couple counseling. In Part 2 of this series, I’ll be discussing some more unavoidable signs in a relationship that could indicate its appropriate for a couple to seek counseling.


If you'd like couple counseling to repair and improve your relationship, contact Orly Gueron a Licensed marriage and family therapist and relationship specialist in Aventura, FL!