Successful couple relationships have one thing in common - both partners share their real thoughts, feelings and desires and really hear each other. This is called validation. In Part 1 of this series, I’ll be discussing the importance of validating your partner’s feelings and how a validating style of interacting together can help you build trust and intimacy for a lasting relationship.

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Validation in a relationship is when your partner shares their feelings and you see things from their point of view. When you validate your partner’s feelings, you are recognizing them and acknowledging them as important. Showing that you understand and accept your partner’s thoughts and feelings just as they are makes them feel that you care and understand. Consistent validation of your partner’s feelings can help them feel less upset and vulnerable, resolve conflicts and strengthen your relationship.

Validating your partner’s feelings is important in many ways and helps to build some positive characteristics in them.

Building value: Validation of your partner’s feelings communicates acceptance and means that you acknowledge their value. By validating your partner’s feelings, you are communicating how important the person is to you and that you care about their thoughts and feelings. It also shows your partner that you are there for them, making them feel highly valued in the relationship.


Building clarity: Sometimes when life becomes confusing and difficult, people depend on feedback from others to understand if their experiences are normal or if their own feelings and actions are appropriate. During such times, validating your partner’s feelings helps them to know that their experiences and emotions are understandable and that they are on the right track.


Building emotional control: We are all social animals and feel a need to belong. But when we don’t feel understood, we can feel left out or think we are a misfit. Since being part of a group is vital for our survival, such thoughts create fear and panic over the potential loss of love and acceptance. But when you validate your partner’s feelings, they know that they are being heard and understood. That is why validation has a calming effect and helps soothe emotions.


Building identity: Validation provides your partner with a reflection of themselves and their thoughts by a loved one. Validating your partner’s feelings highlights their values and patterns and choices, helping them see their own personality characteristics more clearly.


Building relationship: Studies have shown that when a person is validated, chemicals related to feeling connected are released in the brain. When you validate your partner’s feelings, they naturally feel more connected to you and this makes the relationship stronger.


Building communication: People can view the same event in different ways and have different opinions about it. Or they may have different views about similar people, places and experiences. Validation is a way of understanding another person’s point of view. Validating your partner’s feelings helps you better understand your partner’s viewpoints, ideas and beliefs, and allows you to communicate better with each other.


Building perseverance: The road to achieving personal goals and objectives can be a tough one. Validation helps replenish willpower and build perseverance. With consistent validation, you recognize the difficulty being faced by your partner to complete a task which helps them keep working toward their goal.


In Part 2 of this series, I’ll be discussing a few key components of validation and how you can effectively validate your partner’s feelings.


If you'd like professional help in learning how to use validation in your relationship, contact Orly Gueron a Licensed marriage and family therapist and relationship specialist in Aventura, FL!