Good communication is the foundation of a successful relationship. Unfortunately, the truth is that all couples argue. Sometimes, it feels like your spouse isn’t listening to you even though you are expressing your feelings. This can often to lead to problems in the long run. The good news is that changing the way you communicate with your partner can get their attention. It’s not just important what you say but how you say it.

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Here are some handy tips to better communicate your feelings with your partner:

Use direct talk: Women have a very different communication style than men. Women can easily drop hints in a conversation and their female friends will understand it. For example, if you hint to a female friend that you’re tired, she will take the hint and suggest you take a quick nap or make some soothing tea for you. In contrast, men don’t take hints very well. Be frank, say what you want to say and then give your spouse some time to absorb this information. Don’t expect a reaction right away.

Accusations and blaming doesn’t work: Instead of focusing on the shortcomings of your husband or wife, focus on expressing your feelings in a concise and direct manner. Playing the blame game or hurling accusations will make it very easy for your partner to stop listening to you. Words like “you hurt me” will make your significant other go on the defensive.

Focus on the issue at hand: Often times, when an argument takes place between a couple, it tends to escalate quickly. Worse still, one partner might reel in other unresolved past arguments that may have no relation with the original argument. Stay on point and don’t bring up past quarrels. Focus on the point you want to make right now.

Take ownership of your actions too: When a couple argues, the fault rarely lies solely on one person. It is important to recognize that you may have done something wrong too. Owning up to your mistakes puts less pressure on your partner and makes them more open to listening to your feelings and perspective.

Agree to disagree: Respectfully agree to disagree when you both have differing viewpoints on the same situation or problem. Every argument will not lead to a satisfying solution for both partners. In fact, agreeing to disagreeing will significantly improve relations with your better half. It’s more important to voice your feelings, perspective and opinions rather than come up with a solution. It’s essential to be heard.

If you feel your partner isn’t listening to you or are experiencing similar communication problems, contact Orly Gueron a Licensed marriage and family therapist and relationship specialist in Aventura, FL!