Sex. The very topic stirs decades of social stigma, taboo, and feelings of shame. Even though it’s easy to get information on sex thanks to the Internet, most couples still shy away from talking about it. Unfortunately, sex is one of the prime reasons marriages fail. But bad sex may not be the problem per se – it could be the couples’ reluctance to talk about it.
Why don’t we talk about sex?
Because talking about sex requires honesty and vulnerability. You need to listen to your partner. You need to tell them the truth. You need to tell them what turns you on and what turns you off. When was the last time you discussed your fantasies?
Great sex isn’t Greek and Latin. In fact, it’s ridiculously simple.
In the book “The Normal Bar,” authors Chrisanna Northrup, Pepper Schwartz and James Witte conducted a study on a whopping 70,000 couples to find out what couples with a great sex life do differently from those who have bad sex lives. And the findings are surprisingly simple.
Ready for the secret? Here are some things that couples with flourishing love lives do:
1. They make sex a priority, not a chore
Do you have sex only on Tuesdays and Thursdays? Is it more an item on your to-do list than a fun, passionate way to express your feelings to one another? Couples with great sex lives don’t plan sex. They make it a priority. They spontaneously and passionately kiss each other. They express their love physically even in public. They astonish them with gifts.
2. They cuddle
Studies indicate that cuddling releases the hormone Oxytocin. In fact, it’s called the “cuddle hormone” because it makes you feel connected and loved. This is also the reason why we love to hugs.
Couples who enjoy sex aren’t afraid to spoon or wrap their arms around each in a warm embrace.
3. They go on weekly dates
Stress at work, chores, errands, children and a slew of other reasons often prevent a husband and wife from going on weekly romantic dates. But if you want your marriage to thrive and have a good sex life, you must set aside some time every week to go on a date. Free from distractions, stress and to-do lists, many couples find it easier to connect and be intimate with one another.
4. They go for romantic vacations annually
Weekly romantic dates are great but annual romantic vacations are even better. Select a destination you both have always wanted to go to and reconnect while exploring or sight-seeing a city, village or town. Lovemaking comes easily in such romantic environments. Remember how you connected in your honeymoon?
5. They express love physically and emotionally
Besides physically expressing your love, couples with great sex lives make a genuine effort to mindfully turn towards one another with love and affection.
6. They have fun
When was the last time you and your better half did something fun like playing laser tag or skydiving? Having fun together creates a stress-free setting where intimacy is bound to thrive.
7. They know what turns their partner on and off sexually
Nothing beats honesty in a relationship. While discussing your sex life, tell each other what turns you off and on. What puts you off from lovemaking? What arouses your desire for physical intimacy? This is crucial in understanding yours and your partner’s sexual needs.
So there you have it – The secret ingredients to a healthy sex life in a relationship. Notice that all the above points more or less are linked to openly and honestly communicating with your spouse.
Rekindling intimacy isn’t always easy, but trying to connect with your partner and understanding their desires plays a significant role in achieving an amazing sex life.
Have the embers of your sex life faded? Then contact Orly Gueron a Licensed marriage and family therapist and relationship specialist in Aventura, FL!