Last year, over two million Americans ended up getting divorced. A divorce is one of the most intense emotional experiences of one’s life and the period that follows is not very easy. You can find yourself suddenly alone and isolated after being legally separated from your partner with whom you have shared a large part of your life.


As a relationship counselor, I often see some of my patients struggling with a feeling of shame, low confidence, low self worth and having failed somehow after they have been divorced. In Part 1 of this series, I’ll be discussing the important psychological and emotional aspects of divorce, and the effects they can have upon an individual after the separation.

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Breakdown: The fact that the person with whom you spent so many years is now a complete stranger can make you feel rattled. You can be hit by powerful emotions one after another that can be confusing and frightening. Your divorce can also leave you exhausted and unmotivated, as you battle shame, sadness, hurt and anger. The grief that you feel over the loss of a close relationship can quickly balloon into depression. In short, your breakup can become a breakdown.

Loneliness: The crushing loneliness of divorce is often the hardest to deal with. There’ll be no more of all those morning conversations over coffee, evenings spent together watching movies and dinners by the fire. Divorce can be very lonely, especially if you don't have children at home, which can seem pretty quiet and it can become quite difficult to pass the time all by yourself.

Loss of self-esteem: A divorce can send your self-esteem packing. You could end up taking your divorce as a personal failure, as if there’s something wrong with you and you’re unworthy of love. The resulting negative thoughts running through your brain can act like subconscious anchors, weighing you down, leaving you feeling crushed and making self-esteem your biggest challenge after the divorce.

Self blame: After a divorce, your mind is bound to try and find answers to questions about why it all happened in the first place and what you could have done to cause it. You could also start beating yourself up for not being able to save your marriage and constantly feel like you could have done something differently to prevent your marriage from collapsing.

Feeling Revengeful: Your divorce can leave you full of revengeful fantasies and thoughts of hurting your ex. You may feel angry at your ex for causing the divorce by cheating on you or not trying harder to make the marriage work. All that hurt and anger can make you want to take revenge on your ex in order to release the bitterness.

Loss of Trust: If your ex was the one to walk out of the relationship first or was the one to cheat on you, then that can make it difficult for you to trust people because you wouldn’t want to be hurt like that again. Loss of trust can make you nervous and afraid of getting back into another relationship. Even if you start dating again, you could find yourself unable to fall for a nice person because your subconscious fear and resentment will keep sabotaging your chances of finding true love.

Financial instability: A divorce will reduce your economic level because the same income that was used to run one household earlier will now be running two. Women are financially impacted more as they usually get paid less than men for comparable work and their careers are also impacted by choosing to raise children.


In Part 2 of this series, I’ll be sharing some valuable tips and suggestions that can help you to cope with divorce, as well as successfully use the transition from being married to being single again to create positive growth in your life.

To continue reading about this topic you may go to the second part of this series: https://orlygueron.com/blog/index.php?controller=post&action=view&id_post=23


If you'd like professional help overcoming a divorce or any other issue, contact Orly Gueron a Licensed marriage and family therapist and relationship specialist in Aventura, FL!