It is common for long-married couples to worry about the Empty Nest Syndrome, a period of grief, insecurity, loneliness, and loss of purpose experienced by parents when their children leave home for college, jobs or marriage. Couples in a strained relationship, in particular, worry that they will find themselves with nothing in common when their children have flown away and even fear it could lead to a divorce. But those fears are not entirely true. In fact, the husband and wife have more time and space to grow together after their children have grown up and gone, allowing their relationship to flourish. In this article, I’ll be sharing some tips that can help married couples with their transition into the post-parenting stage and rekindle their marital relationship.

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Make marital relationship a priority: Parents usually become so involved with the obligations and responsibilities of raising their children that they fail to recognize their own relationship problems. As a relationship specialist, I always encourage my clients to nurture their marital relationship throughout the time they are bringing up their children. Take time out for your marital relationship and make it a priority before your children fly away. Remember that doing this will also benefit your children as they can leave with the knowledge that there's a foundation at home and that you both will still have a life, instead of feeling responsible for your well-being.


Re-evaluate your relationship: For couples with a strong marital bond strong, the departure of their children could mean a positive opportunity to deepen their good relationship. For couples in an unsatisfying partnership who have been focusing exclusively on bringing up their kids, this can provide more free time to tend to their relationship. After the children have gone, reevaluate your relationship by sitting down with your spouse and discussing what each of you can now look forward to. Share your joys and concerns, and make plans for how both of you can spend the free time together to make your relationship as exciting as it was when you were dating.


Try new things together: Raising children and pursuing full-time careers leave couples with little or no time to experience new things together, like they used to when dating each other. After their children have left home, couples should actively seek new experiences to rekindle the same feeling of newness that they experienced while dating. Make plans to do all the things you both have always dreamed of doing together, but never found the time to because children took up most of the space in your lives. Doing new things together, such as taking tennis lessons, learning a new language, or travelling abroad can be great way to inject fun into the marriage after the kids have gone.


Get more intimate: Sex life can take a backseat after having children, but there’s more free time for intimacy when they leave home. Married couples need to sit down and talk about their sex lives together after the children are no longer around at home. Share your sexual fantasies, what you find erotic, and what you desire from each other. By doing all the things in bed that you used to do when you first got intimate with your spouse, you can develop an exciting sex life and rekindle those faded passions after the kids have left home.


Socialize more: Many couples feel their social lives have gotten into a rut after marriage, especially after having children who take up all the time that could be spent with friends or meeting new people. After the kids have grown up and gone, it’s time for married couples to pay more attention to their friends and relatives. Remember that couples with a strong social network are happier together. Consciously make socializing a priority and make yourself available to invitations from friends and relatives. Instead of sitting at home and brooding over your children, seeking out couples who are interested in hanging out with you will help fill the vacuum and help you use the available free time more constructively.


Seek help: After married couples have spent years focusing all their energy and attention on their children and paid less attention to each other’s needs, their absence can expose flaws in the marital relationship. A certified and trained counselor can show you how to turn those empty nest years into a new beginning in your marital relationship and use the transition phase in your marriage as an opportunity to renew your connection and intimacy.

If you are experiencing the Empty Nest Syndrome or know someone that you would like to help with it, contact Orly Gueron a Licensed marriage and family therapist and relationship specialist in Aventura, FL!