In today’s digital age, technology seems to be the biggest relationship killer. Various studies have confirmed that cell phone attachment can sabotage couple relationships. While technology does offer an easy way for couples to stay in touch through calling and texting, there’s also a dark side to cell phones. In Part 1 of this series, I’ll be discussing how technology devices (read cell phones) are significantly disruptive for couple relationships.

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Addiction: Cell phones don’t just impact behavior, but also trigger the release of serotonin and dopamine—the "feel good chemicals" in our brains—that motivate people to chase pleasure-giving rewards, such as food, sex, and even drugs. Cell phone activities such as searching for information, reading new stuff, and seeking appreciation on social media provide instant gratification by releasing these chemicals, which only makes us keep coming back for more and neglect our relationships.


Separation anxiety: The pleasure-seeking habit of compulsively checking cell phones is taking a serious psychological toll on couple relationships. Over-usage of cell phone can create anxiety upon being separated from the device. In fact, the phobia of being out of cell phone contact is termed as nomophobia, and anyone experiencing high levels of separation anxiety when they are away from their cell phone may be required to undertake a specialized treatment program at an addiction recovery center. Such psychological issues can create stress and a rift between couples, and jeopardize their relationship.


Alienation: Over-interaction with the digital world makes us seek approval, recognition and validity from people we barely know, indifferent to the real world and people around us, and lose our connection with the real world and real people. It’s not surprising that cell phones tend to weaken couple relationships as increased interactions with people in the virtual world disappoints and hurts loved ones in the real world, and drives them away.


Rejection: If you feel the urge to check your cell phone each time it beeps, the distraction can hardly make your partner feel good about themselves. Interrupting an interesting conversation, meal, or romantic moment to read a text or email sends the message that your cell phone is more important than the person you are presently with and is less worthy of your attention. Your partner is likely to see such moments as rejections, which can hurt their feelings, lower their mood and self-esteem, and build up anger and resentment, all of which increases conflict and reduces relationship satisfaction.


Communication loss: Cell phones are responsible for causing a communication breakdown between couples. Over attachment to checking all those urgent alerts, notifications and reminders on the cell phone significantly reduces communication between couples. With face-to-face interactions being replaced by shallow and impersonal connections, real life communication becomes secondary and couples begin communicating superficially, making it impossible for them to achieve or maintain intimacy.


In Part 2 of this series, I’ll be discussing how technology is hurting family relationships and the ways in which the use of cell phones inside the house is affecting family dynamics.


If technology is affecting your intimate or family relationship and you would like professional help, contact Orly Gueron a Licensed marriage and family therapist and relationship specialist in Aventura, FL!