Diving into relationship counseling can be one of the best (and most rewarding) investments you’ll ever make in your relationship.
I am so excited for you to join me on this journey to explore your options a bit further and discover the value that so many couples unfortunately miss. What is relationship counseling about? What key concepts can you expect to be covered? Well, today I want to touch on three key components that my relationship counseling really focuses on - trust, communication, and connection. Later in this series, I’ll dive a bit deeper into the details of each component and how they are essential to a healthy relationship. But for now, let’s just take a quick look at each aspect and how essential relationship counseling is for the future success of your relationship.

TRUST

According to John Gottman's "Sound Relationship House," trust can be compared to the supporting walls in a house. Without trust to support your relationship, your bond will literally crumble before your very eyes. Because of this, it is crucial for couples to build a strong foundation of trust. You have to trust in each other. You have to trust that your significant other will not intentionally hurt you while you build and nourish your relationship over time. One of the most important keys to trusting each other is understanding that you should be turning towards your lover rather than away from him (or her) when you are in need. Chances are, he (or she) is the one who knows you best and can help you the most.  

 

Communication

Every single couple communicates, but HOW they communicate can make or break the entire relationship. The tone you use and the body language you give off can be heard even louder than the actual words you say. Most couples never really learn how to communicate effectively, leaving a broken relationship in their wake. And some never fully understand how to pick up the pieces. You can’t communicate if you’re not speaking the same language. A lack of successful communication can leave both sides feeling deprived and misunderstood. A gaping absence of communication can quickly spiral into deeper issues in the relationship if not addressed early on. But hold on, there’s good news! You and your partner can learn to speak to each other in a way that benefits both of you, and you should start now. I can present you with all the tools you will need to help communicate effectively and express emotions safely – both in your counseling sessions and in real life!

Connection and Intimacy

Ahhhh, sex! Unfortunately, when most people hear the word ‘intimacy’ their mind goes straight to sex. But is intimacy all about sex? The answer is no. Thank goodness, right? True intimacy is the act of couples sharing their goals, turning towards each other during conversations, learning each other's love map according to Gottman (a fascinating concept that I’ll share later), acknowledging attempts to connect, and last but not least, maintaining a healthy sex life. All of this takes time to develop, but it’s time that is definitely worth investing. A strong connection is invaluable!

While creatively mixing these three “emotional ingredients” together in couples counseling, countless couples have been able to build a united and fortified wall (bond) that stabilizes their “house” (relationship). And so can you!

Keep a look out for my next post on why TRUST is so vital when it comes to breaking down relationship issues and building your own “concrete connection!”

 

Trust between couples is paramount… and is built over time.

As a relationship blossoms, couples start by sharing little tidbits of information with each other. As time goes on, trust grows, and they feel comfortable sharing more, and more, and more. Throughout the process, confidence and faith develops along with feelings of integrity, honesty, and loyalty. And thus, a healthy relationship is built!
As everyone knows, trust is essential for the development of a healthy relationship. A breakdown of trust can damage feelings of respect, friendship, security, and safety. Once trust has been established and then lost, it can be very difficult to rebuild – which is completely normal.

So, let’s take a look at 5 ways trust can be completely severed, severely scarring couples for years to come:

 

1. Lies and Secrets


What’s one little lie? Even white lies can be damaging to your relationship. You might think that you’re just protecting your loved one’s feelings or simplifying things; however, no matter how big or small the lie may be, it can completely destroy the foundation of trust you have worked so hard to build. When it comes to dishonesty, there has to be a no-tolerance policy. Both people in the relationship need to focus on telling the truth and taking responsibility for their actions.
Similar to lies, secrets can also decimate trust. Transparency is of the utmost importance in relationships. If needed, you may need to be more open with your cell phone or email log in order to rebuild lost trust. Remember that your relationship is more important that your desire for privacy.

2. Broken Promises


Over the course of your relationship, you’ll make a lot of promises to each other…and hopefully keep them. Some may be as small as promising to meet at a certain restaurant at 7:00 for dinner. But other promises may be as long-lasting as your wedding vows. No matter how big or small a promise may seem, breaking it can be damaging to the overall “trust bubble” of your relationship. It’s always important to be reliable, show your partner you will follow through, and communicate any time you feel you might fall short of a promise. For example, if you’re not going to make it home on time for dinner, communicate this to your partner as soon as (and as lovingly as) possible.
And zipping your lips comes into play here, too. It’s also important to keep confidences. When your loved one shares private information with you, he (or she) expects you will keep that information between the two of you. If you share things your partner believed you would keep confidential, again, your “trust factor” will be shattered. And your partner will have a difficult time confiding in you ever again.

3. Abusive Past Relationships

Leave the past in the past – it’s tough, but it can be done. Past relationships can also play a huge role when it comes to the level of trust that exists between a couple. If one partner was in a previous relationship where trust was broken, it can be difficult to overcome the fear that this will happen again. Abuse, infidelity, and other problems can hinder one’s ability to truly trust someone in a new relationship. So, in order to overcome these feelings, I encourage individuals to come to counseling and work through them, so they don’t impact future relationships. Rather than lament your past, I want you to embrace your future.

4. Addictions
Additions are just that – difficult to overcome. And if one partner is struggling with an addiction, they often feel the need to lie or sneak around. The addiction could involve drugs, alcohol, sex, or something else. Until the individual can gain control over the addiction, it will be completely impossible to work on the relationship. They must seek help to overcome their addiction, take responsibility for their actions, and include their partner in the process whenever possible. Counseling is the first step toward trust recovery.

5. Infidelity


Infidelity is one of the greatest trust killers that exists today. When one thinks about a violation of trust in a relationship, the mind usually goes straight to infidelity. Infidelity violates one’s promise for exclusivity and monogamy in a relationship. Though it may seem black and white, the reasons for cheating are actually complex. They can range from poor self-esteem to loneliness to sexual issues to cultural entitlement to a high degree of self-importance. When working to rebuild trust after infidelity of any form occurs, it’s important to seek help for the underlying cause, as well.

So, What’s the Good News?

The good news is…rebuilding trust is possible! It’s a complex and arduous process, but it is possible. I always encourage couples to start by turning toward each other rather than away from one another – which is the first (and most difficult step). They must validate their partner’s feelings and tune themselves into each other’s needs. As time goes on, couples can overcome emotional turmoil and feelings of betrayal and begin to rebuild trust and strengthen their relationship. Only then can the healing truly begin!

If you would like professional help to build trust, communication and connection in your relationship, contact Orly Gueron a Licensed marriage and family therapist and relationship specialist in Aventura, FL!