Parenting children can be a tough job, but parenting after a divorce is much tougher because of all kinds of practical and emotional challenges accompanying the separation. But divorce can also provide you an opportunity to be a better parent than you were before the marriage ended. In this article, I’ll be sharing five tips for successful post-divorce parenting and avoiding some common mistakes that divorced parents generally make in such a situation.

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Communicating honestly with your children: When the decision to separate has been made, it’s important for both the parents to sit down and talk honestly with the children about the divorce. Kids and teenagers can feel angry or scared, or worried about their future if they have overheard their parents arguing about them. Explain your future plans to the children and encourage them to ask questions and say what they are thinking and feeling. Children usually feel the real impact of a divorce over about a 2- to 3-year period and can come up with new questions or concerns as they get older and become more mature. This is why it’s important to make talking about the divorce an ongoing process and always keep the dialogue open.


Removing your children’s guilt: Children go through a variety of emotions after their parents divorce and often feel guilty as they imagine they have "caused" the problem. Depending on their age and development, some children can voice their feelings, while others may instead act out or be depressed. For instance, post divorce, school-age children can lose interest in their studies, while younger children can become angry or violent during play. That is why it’s important to ensure that your children do not blame themselves for your failed marriage and make them understand that your problems with your ex have nothing to do with them.


Keeping it nice with your ex: Even if you have been divorced, keep in mind that your spouse is still your child's parent. Just because you have stopped loving your spouse doesn’t mean that your child will not feel like loving the other parent anymore. Genetically, your children are 50 percent your ex and you are putting them down whenever you put down your ex. So avoid talking badly about the other parent to your child or blaming your ex for the situation and encourage your kids to have a positive outlook on your ex. Also, keep your children away from adult conflict and arguments by avoiding fights in front of them because toxic and stressful environments can negatively impact a kid’s mental and emotional well-being. The less your children are exposed to parental conflict, the better they can adjust to your divorce over the long-term.


Parenting together: Even after you are divorced, maintain a united front for your children when it comes to their issues, like school or teen problems. It is important for both the parents to keep their differences and animosity aside and focus on putting their children’s interests first. By co-parenting after divorce, you can support your kids as a team. Spend time with your children together as a whole family so that they can adjust more quickly to the new family arrangement.


Seeking help: Post marital issues can affect your parenting and negative feelings about your ex can often get in the way of successful co-parenting. Separation and divorce can also be painful and disappointing for children who may need someone removed from the situation to talk to about their feelings. Speaking with a counselor or therapist can help parents effectively deal with their own issues as well as parenting problems, while children can feel encouraged to open up and discuss their feelings during this time of change.

If you need help with parenting after divorce to provide a nurturing and loving home for your children, contact Orly Gueron a Licensed marriage and family therapist and relationship specialist in Aventura, FL!