Soulmates. The very idea conjures images of couples growing old together, ideas about the “perfect” man or woman and memories of watching various rom-com movies. The idea that there is one person who is uniquely compatible with you and who you are destined to be with is very appealing. After all, we all want to feel special. We all want to believe that someone was made just for us.
Unfortunately, there is a problem with that belief.
What Research Says
Most people who believe in the concept of soulmates believe in the idea of romantic destiny – that they are meant to be with someone. They are constantly on the lookout for that “click” or unique “connection” with someone when they first meet someone.
Soulmate believers tend to have intense and passionate relationships at first. The problem is when things get real, i.e., when problems arise, when the partner seems less than perfect and when disagreements escalate, they tend to take the easy road and just break up. They start thinking that this partner may not be their soul mate after all and move on to finding the next “perfect” partner.
But here’s the kicker – In any relationship (be it romantic or platonic), disagreements, conflicts, fights, and challenges are bound to arise. What makes a relationship successful is not how many times they have conflicts. But, rather, how they resolve conflicts.
People who believe in soul mates essentially fail to work through disagreements and accept the flaws of their partner. In contrast, people who believe that relationships need work and nurturing are willing to accept their partner’s myriad shortcomings and work on solving disagreements.
Soul Mates Do Exist – Just Not The Way We Think
Couples who have grown and evolved together by facing life’s challenges and solving conflicts are the ones that are actually each other’s soul mates. People in long-term and happy marriages know that their partner isn’t perfect but understand and accept their flaws.
Of course, soul mates need not be restricted to just couples, your soul mate could very well be your sister, brother, a friend, your mother, father or a mentor. We don’t need to give up on the idea that a soul mate exists. We merely need to tweak our perception of it.
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