Intercultural relationships often bring together two people from different countries speaking different languages, and like any other relationship they also require effective communication to sustain and develop further. But as a marriage counselor, I often find significant communication problems existing among couples in intercultural relationships as the inability to communicate in their partner’s language leads to misunderstandings, causing a rift between couples. I also find that communication between couples in intercultural relationships often lacks depth and one or the other partner feels that they cannot fully express themselves. In intercultural relationships, both partners are required to give up some of their own culture and adjust to another culture’s beliefs, habits, and parenting styles. But overcoming and understanding each other’s cultural differences can be difficult for such a couple. If you’re in an intercultural relationship, then you need to put in a lot of extra effort to see it blossom.

Here are a few tips that can help couples in intercultural relationships adjust better to each other’s culture and communicate better with one another.

Be more open minded and accepting: Stubbornly sticking to your own set of cultural beliefs and practices can kill your relationship before it has even started. Remember that the more you understand your partner’s culture, the more you’ll understand your partner. Learn to become more open minded and accepting towards each other’s culture by understanding and listening to each other in order to overcome those cultural differences.

Never assume: Couples in intercultural relationships often defend their own culture and make assumptions about their partner’s culture. But cultural stereotypes only cause misunderstandings and you should avoid comparing the habits, beliefs, and traditions in your partner’s culture with that of your own culture to avoid making assumptions.

Respect cultural differences: Despite staying together, couples in intercultural relationships tend to have some passive aggressive feelings towards their partner’s different lifestyle influenced by their culture. Such passive aggressive feelings can bring resentment in your relationship and you need to stop judging your partner’s different lifestyle, or beliefs, habits, and opinions, and respect them instead.

Listen carefully without being critical:  Your partner may take more time to form sentences while speaking in a non-native language. Listen patiently and carefully without interrupting to point out every grammar or pronunciation error. Don’t make the mistake of trying to finish your partner’s sentences because you could end up changing the meaning or interpreting incorrectly.

Don’t make fun of errors: Yes, your partner’s pronunciation errors can often be funny and make you laugh. But making fun can be discouraging and offending when someone is struggling to speak a second language, especially when it involves an over-sensitive partner. So be supportive of your partner and try not to laugh or make fun of any pronunciation errors.

Correct in a constructive way: Instead of laughing hysterically at pronunciation errors in the middle of your partner’s dialogue, correct those mistakes politely. Correct your partner in a constructive fashion to genuinely improve his/her language skills and prevent those errors from being repeated in front of someone else.

Swap languages: If your partner’s second language is English which is your first language, then putting yourself in his/her shoes by swapping languages is a good way of learning to empathize with your partner’s struggle in speaking a non-native language. Your experience of trying to speak in a second language will make you more supportive of your partner and appreciate his/her efforts to learn English as a second language.

If you'd like professional help improving or strengthening your relationship, get in touch with Orly Gueron, a leading marriage and family therapist and relationship specialist in Aventura, FL!