Trust between couples is paramount… and is built over time.

As a relationship blossoms, couples start by sharing little tidbits of information with each other. As time goes on, trust grows, and they feel comfortable sharing more, and more, and more. Throughout the process, confidence and faith develops along with feelings of integrity, honesty, and loyalty. And thus, a healthy relationship is built!
As everyone knows, trust is essential for the development of a healthy relationship. A breakdown of trust can damage feelings of respect, friendship, security, and safety. Once trust has been established and then lost, it can be very difficult to rebuild – which is completely normal.

So, let’s take a look at 5 ways trust can be completely severed, severely scarring couples for years to come:

 

1. Lies and Secrets


What’s one little lie? Even white lies can be damaging to your relationship. You might think that you’re just protecting your loved one’s feelings or simplifying things; however, no matter how big or small the lie may be, it can completely destroy the foundation of trust you have worked so hard to build. When it comes to dishonesty, there has to be a no-tolerance policy. Both people in the relationship need to focus on telling the truth and taking responsibility for their actions.
Similar to lies, secrets can also decimate trust. Transparency is of the utmost importance in relationships. If needed, you may need to be more open with your cell phone or email log in order to rebuild lost trust. Remember that your relationship is more important that your desire for privacy.

2. Broken Promises


Over the course of your relationship, you’ll make a lot of promises to each other…and hopefully keep them. Some may be as small as promising to meet at a certain restaurant at 7:00 for dinner. But other promises may be as long-lasting as your wedding vows. No matter how big or small a promise may seem, breaking it can be damaging to the overall “trust bubble” of your relationship. It’s always important to be reliable, show your partner you will follow through, and communicate any time you feel you might fall short of a promise. For example, if you’re not going to make it home on time for dinner, communicate this to your partner as soon as (and as lovingly as) possible.
And zipping your lips comes into play here, too. It’s also important to keep confidences. When your loved one shares private information with you, he (or she) expects you will keep that information between the two of you. If you share things your partner believed you would keep confidential, again, your “trust factor” will be shattered. And your partner will have a difficult time confiding in you ever again.

3. Abusive Past Relationships

Leave the past in the past – it’s tough, but it can be done. Past relationships can also play a huge role when it comes to the level of trust that exists between a couple. If one partner was in a previous relationship where trust was broken, it can be difficult to overcome the fear that this will happen again. Abuse, infidelity, and other problems can hinder one’s ability to truly trust someone in a new relationship. So, in order to overcome these feelings, I encourage individuals to come to counseling and work through them, so they don’t impact future relationships. Rather than lament your past, I want you to embrace your future.

4. Addictions
Additions are just that – difficult to overcome. And if one partner is struggling with an addiction, they often feel the need to lie or sneak around. The addiction could involve drugs, alcohol, sex, or something else. Until the individual can gain control over the addiction, it will be completely impossible to work on the relationship. They must seek help to overcome their addiction, take responsibility for their actions, and include their partner in the process whenever possible. Counseling is the first step toward trust recovery.

5. Infidelity


Infidelity is one of the greatest trust killers that exists today. When one thinks about a violation of trust in a relationship, the mind usually goes straight to infidelity. Infidelity violates one’s promise for exclusivity and monogamy in a relationship. Though it may seem black and white, the reasons for cheating are actually complex. They can range from poor self-esteem to loneliness to sexual issues to cultural entitlement to a high degree of self-importance. When working to rebuild trust after infidelity of any form occurs, it’s important to seek help for the underlying cause, as well.

So, What’s the Good News?

The good news is…rebuilding trust is possible! It’s a complex and arduous process, but it is possible. I always encourage couples to start by turning toward each other rather than away from one another – which is the first (and most difficult step). They must validate their partner’s feelings and tune themselves into each other’s needs. As time goes on, couples can overcome emotional turmoil and feelings of betrayal and begin to rebuild trust and strengthen their relationship. Only then can the healing truly begin!

If you would like professional help to regain or build trust in your relationship, contact Orly Gueron a Licensed marriage and family therapist and relationship specialist in Aventura, FL!