Much like asking grandma for her secret ingredient in her mouth-watering meatloaf recipe, a lot of couples are curious to know what happily married couples do to keep their relationships emotionally, physically and mentally fulfilling. What’s their secret? How do they stay happily married and in love for several years while others struggle to communicate with their partners?

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Fortunately, ample research and years of counseling couples have revealed to me the five great habits that all happily married couples do in order to keep the flames of love alive. I’ve listed them below:

1. Happily married couples give compliments to each other

When was the last time you gave your partner a genuine compliment? Sometimes we forget how amazing our spouses are and what attractive qualities drew us to them in the first place. Fish out one compliment every day even on days when things don’t seem good between you two. It can make a difference to your relationship.

2. Happily married couples resolve conflicts

There’s no denying it – Couples fight. Couples argue. Couples have conflicts. What sets happily married people apart from others is that they actively make an effort to resolve their conflicts, no matter how sensitive the topic is.

Dr. John Gottman of The Gottman Institute recommends using repair attempts to resolve conflicts in order to prevent it from exploding into a catastrophe. A successful repair attempt enables couples to start over or reset a discussion and keep criticism and negativity out of the conflict.

Rather than attacking or blaming your spouse, focus on talking about your emotions and how you feel while resolving conflicts. Discussing your feelings rather than placing blame allows you and your partner to concentrate on the issue at hand without letting the discussion spiral out of control.

For example, if you’re hurt that your spouse invites his friends to the house over the weekend without talking to you about it, try starting the discussion by saying, “I feel like I need some space over the weekend and I would really appreciate it if you would ask me if it’s okay to have friends over before inviting them” rather than “Why are your friends coming over again? I hate it when you do this.”

3. Happily married partners spend time together every day

It doesn’t have to be several hours every day. Just going for a 10-minute walk together with your dog without cellphones can help you get closer to your partner. Use this time to discuss about your day, talk about your feelings or just enjoy your time together.

4. Happily married couples share one intimate moment every day

Kissing each other goodbye before work or simply sharing a hug every single day can bring a monumental change in your relationship. Remember, marriage isn’t just one big thing, it’s a million small things. Doing small things every day will keep your marriage more emotionally fulfilling rather than doing one big gesture every month or so.

5. Happily married couples are friends first, lovers later

It’s a grim fact: Some people tend to fall in and out of love. But if you see your husband or wife as a friend first and lover later, it will make a big difference to your relationship.

So now that you know the key ingredients that make marriages successful, apply these to your relationship. But if you feel you or your spouse or both of you’ll need counseling, then feel free to contact Orly Gueron a Licensed marriage and family therapist and relationship specialist in Aventura, FL!