Orly Gueron

How Can Couples Live Happily When They Have Conflicting Work Schedules?

2018-08-02T08:25:40+00:00

Imagine this: You come home late after work only to find your better half fast asleep. Then you wake up the next morning and reach out to cuddle your partner only to find that they’ve already left for work. Now imagine that this was happening every day of the year. Wouldn’t it put a strain on your relationship?

Unfortunately, couples with conflicting work schedules often face this age-old problem: How can I spend more time with my partner and keep the spark alive in our relationship? It’s difficult to keep the embers of the relationship glowing when you work the night shift while he’s working all day.

So, what can you do to work through your conflicting schedules to keep the relationship going? Here are some tips:

Keep an Open Line of Communication

Communication is the key to enjoying a successful relationship. This is especially true when you don’t have time to have daily face-to-face conversations with your significant other. No matter how busy you are at work, make time to send a text, make a phone call or have a quick video call with your wife or husband. Tell them how much you miss them or love them or look forward to spending time with them this weekend.

Always Schedule Some Time Together

I know, I know. This is hard. But it’s essential to schedule some time together no matter how hectic your schedule is. Pencil in date nights or long lunches together (if you both can spare the time). Even just having a meal together or sipping on hot cocoa while binge-watching the latest TV show on Netflix can be beneficial for your relationship. Share your Google calendars with each other. Make that extra effort to take some time off to reconnect and bond.

Make Small Gestures Count

When you’re busy achieving a sales target, meeting a deadline or making a presentation for a potential new client, it can be quite challenging to express your love for each other. Buying flowers or making those large romantic gestures can seem like an arduous task.

The good news is that you don’t need to go out of your way to show your husband or wife that you care. Small gestures like bringing home their favorite meal, leaving cute post-it notes where they can easily find or recording that football match he missed shows that you care.

Schedule Intimacy and Romance

Ok, so you’ve scheduled date nights together but what about enjoying those romantic getaways together or planning a much-needed annual vacation to an exotic island on the Caribbean? You need to plan for a significant time off from work where it’s just you and him.

Speaking of you and him, a couple’s sex life always takes a hit when both partners rarely see each other during the week. It may sound counterproductive since sex is supposed to be spontaneous but there’s no room for spontaneous sex when you barely see each other. Which is why it’s vital that you schedule sex and intimacy. If one of you has a flexible schedule, then try to meet your spouse halfway and move meetings around so that you can get that much-needed time together.

Accept Your Conflicting Work Schedules

A lot of couples try to fight it and some even make half-hearted promises that their schedules will be less cluttered soon. But the reality is that right now your work schedule is crazy busy and you need to work on solutions rather than wait for things to get better. Embrace your hectic life and make the most of your present situation.

Still having trouble working through conflicting work schedules? Feel free to contact Orly Gueron a Licensed marriage and family therapist and relationship specialist in Aventura, FL!

How Focusing On Yourself Helps Your Relationships

2018-06-23T06:24:12+00:00

We’ve all heard of this popular saying: Taking care of yourself is important. However, what we don’t realize is that when you take care of yourself, you also taking care of your relationships. Self- care strengthens bonds. In fact, many partners see their better half in a whole new light once they start loving and respecting themselves. You treat others around you with kindness, so why not extend that same kindness and compassion to yourself?

Also, have you heard of the old adage, ‘You can’t give what you don’t have’ and ‘You cannot pour from an empty cup.’ Well, that’s exactly what happens when you shower yourself with love, affection and care. Here are some of the benefits that ensue from self-care:

You have more to give in a relationship

Once you’re brimming with self-love, only then can you give love, energy and care to your family, friends and community. Have you ever heard of people enjoying the company of a depressed or stressed person? In actuality, people are attracted to partners who are happy, have high self-esteem and self-respect. And the happier you are and the more you love yourself, the more love you have to give others. Your cup will be full and it will be easy to pour some of that love onto others.

You’re in touch with your own feelings

Self-care requires that you listen to your physical, emotional and mental needs. Which means that you must be in touch with your emotions and listen to what your body and mind need. When you’re more in touch with your own feelings, it is easier to show love and care to others. Moreover, being tuned in to your own feelings makes you more empathetic. And empathy is an important tool to have – not just in relationships, but also as a human being.

Furthermore, the more emotionally aware you are of your own feelings, the more emotionally aware you will be of your partner’s feelings in your relationship. You will start to notice your partner’s feelings more easily when you listen to your own feelings. Emotional awareness makes it easier for you to deal with problems in your relationship. It becomes easier to navigate the murky waters of a relationship when you understand yours and your partner’s feelings better.

You avoid projecting your uncomfortable emotions on to others

To be honest, when we stop taking care of ourselves and putting our needs first, a slew of uncomfortable emotions creep in. For example, if your mind is demanding some time off from your hectic schedule but you choose not to listen to it, inevitably, stress will become an intrinsic part of your life. Before long, you will start to unload that stress unto others. And no one likes to hang out with a perpetually stressed person.

When we are anxious, sad, hurt or angry, we tend to, sometimes unknowingly, project those feelings onto others. When we listen to what our mind and body needs, and fulfill those needs, we tend to be happier, relaxed and more energetic.

You will be less needy and demanding of your partner

Unfortunately, many people place their happiness solely on their wife or husband. The minute their spouse showers them with attention and love, they are happy. Conversely, if they don’t, they are unhappy.

When your happiness depends exclusively on how much love your partner showers on you, you will come across as an emotionally needy and demanding person. It also means putting a lot of pressure on one person for your happiness. Can you imagine the pressure he or she feels that they are solely responsible for your happiness?

Worse still, anything your partner does for you won’t be enough.

When you take care of yourself, you will be less dependent on others for your happiness. You will start to make your happiness a priority and not just some after-thought.

Having trouble focusing on yourself? Is self-care difficult for you? Feel free to contact Orly Gueron a Licensed marriage and family therapist and relationship specialist in Aventura, FL!

Mindful Eating and Shopping: How Mindfulness Can Change the Way You Eat and Shop

2018-06-02T09:48:23+00:00

On a clear Sunday morning, Ellie set out to the mall to indulge in some eating and shopping. She passed several restaurants before halting at a McDonald’s and relishing the aroma of piping hot fries. Despite being on a diet, Ellie decided to eat two burgers, one large fries and a tall glass of coke. After her delicious meal, she headed to a nearby retail outlet to buy a pair of boots. Only she ended up with one pair of boots, one pair of heels, three shirts and one handbag.

Later that day, she checked her credit card statement and was astonished to see that she was drowning in debt. On Monday morning, before hitting the gym, she realized that she had gained a few pounds. Depressed, Ellie headed for the nearest store to buy some cinnamon rolls.

Like most of us, Ellie spent most of her Sunday mindlessly eating and shopping.

Emotional Eating

Unfortunately, a majority of us have often fallen prey to unconscious eating – the act of mindlessly eating a meal. We often check our phone for messages, watch an episode of a popular TV show, see a movie or read the newspaper while eating or drinking. We’re chowing down food mindlessly.

Mindfulness can help with this by helping you notice what you’re eating and drinking. It helps you notice what your putting inside your body as opposed to simply picking at food at the dinner table or munching chips simply because it’s in front of you.

The fact is that we often overeat when we feel some uncomfortable emotion or we’re hungry or tired or stressed. You’re more susceptible to giving in to food cravings when you haven’t slept well, you’re worried about an upcoming deadline or you haven’t eaten well all day.

Moreover, studies have shown that consuming sugars and fats releases opioids in our system which is the same thing that happens when we sniff cocaine and other narcotics. Eating fatty foods and sugar-rich substances produces a pleasing effect.

What’s worse is that most people who want to get healthy go on diets without understanding that diets often fail because they assume that we make decisions about food logically. The truth is that emotions often interfere with our logically-designed “diet” when we want to combat uncomfortable emotions like stress, anger, boredom, loneliness, and sadness.

Mindful eating simply means being mindful or aware of what we’re eating or drinking. Easier said than done, right? But with patience, kindness to yourself and practice, you can change the way you eat and your relationship with food. Here’s how:

• Eat slowly and taste your food and drink. Don’t just sip or bite without being aware of what you’re biting into or sipping.

• Start getting comfortable with uncomfortable emotions. Approach yourself with kindness and allow yourself to feel the full gamut of unfavorable emotions – anger, sadness, tiredness, boredom, guilt – without judgment. Get comfortable with yourself, accept yourself and your feelings. Know that it’s okay to feel mad, sad, angry, hurt or annoyed. It’s not okay to avoid these feelings by overeating.

• Are you tired, hungry or stressed? You’re more susceptible to giving in to food cravings when you haven’t slept well, you’re worried about an upcoming deadline or you haven’t eaten well all day. The solution to this is simple, really: Get 8 hours of sleep, eat small meals evenly spaced throughout the day and combat stress with exercise and meditation.

• Don’t let your stomach growl. Eat when you are mildly hungry as opposed to hangry (hungry and angry).

• Avoid doing anything other than eating while eating. Put your phone on silent, watch that episode later and read your book at another time.

Emotional Shopping

Just like emotional eating, emotional shopping gives a temporary feel-good high that aims to combat uncomfortable emotions. Which is why most people desire to shop after a particularly hectic week at work. Mindfulness allows us to notice our actions such as making a purchase rather than mindlessly indulging in a compulsive behavior while we’re operating on auto-pilot. It brings a pause between the decision to act and actually act.

You can curb emotional shopping by:

• Taking a few deep breaths before heading to the checkout counter and asking yourself how you feel. Are you buying this cashmere sweater because you’re sad and want to feel better – even if it’s just for some time? Recognizing how you feel is the first step towards achieving mindfulness.

• Are you stressed? Bored? Instead of swiping your credit card, try watching a hilarious cat video or exercising.

• Earn your purchases by planning it. Try to find features you’re looking for in say, a new pair of heels, and don’t settle for just any pair of heels. Select the one that fits all the criteria you’re looking for in a perfect pair of heels as opposed to mindlessly reaching for the first (or second or third) one you see in a store.

• Try to use physical cash instead of a card to buy something because then you will feel the pain of parting with your funds. According to research, people are more willing to pay for an item if it just involves swiping a card rather than using actual money.
Differentiate between a want and a need: Do you really need that new pair of boots? Or do you just want it?

Our actions are dominated by emotions. Through mindfulness, we can recognize our emotions, pause, consider our decisions and then act on them.

Are you struggling with your unfavorable emotions and mindlessly eating and shopping without a second thought? If you need help, feel free to contact Orly Gueron a Licensed marriage and family therapist and relationship specialist in Aventura, FL!

How Mindfulness Can Help People Cope With Addictions

2018-05-28T17:52:35+00:00

Contrary to popular belief, mindfulness isn’t some esoteric Buddhist practice. In the simplest of terms, mindfulness means focusing your awareness to the present moment. Being aware of one’s feelings and accepting oneself is also a byproduct of mindfulness – and it can be achieved through meditation.

Two things always lead addicts to indulge in their addictions – uncomfortable emotions and cravings. Addicts, or for that matter most of us, hold on to this belief about how our lives should be and when our lives aren’t how we desire them to be, it leads to a slew of emotions that we’re uncomfortable dealing with. Anger, sadness and jealous slowly but surely creep in. We stop being content or happy with what we have and start looking at our shortcomings, limitations, and situations in a bad light.

Uncomfortable emotions immediately follow cravings – that feeling that several glasses of whiskey or popping pills is going to numb the pain.

Mindfulness meditation can break this vicious cycle by:

1. Letting go

Desire is an intrinsic part of being human. We always want a better job, a better relationship, more time to ourselves or that big condo across the street. Desire, to some extent, help us improve ourselves by working hard and setting goals. But desire can also make us unhappy and unable to be grateful for what we have now. Through mindfulness, we can let go of these desires and feelings of jealousy, anger, sadness, and competitiveness. It can also help us let go of suffering or past traumas.

Once we let go, that chic condo, that “perfect” job and that “ideal” relationship don’t dominate our thoughts, feelings, and life.

2. Rewiring the brain

Perhaps the most awesome thing about mindfulness is that it has the ability to rewire and retrain the brain. Until recently, most scientists believed that the brain’s ability to create new structures and neural networks stopped after childhood. But recent research shows that mindfulness meditation has the ability to alter the brain’s structure and build new neural networks for self-observation, self-awareness, and well-being. How cool is that?

3. Accepting oneself

One of the key teachings of mindfulness meditation is increasing self-awareness and curiosity. How do I feel in this moment? What are my thoughts in this moment? Once we’re aware of our thoughts and feelings, we start accepting ourselves. With self-acceptance comes an automatic decrease in self-criticism, harsh judgments about oneself and negative feelings towards oneself and one’s life.

We could all be a little kinder and little more loving to ourselves. We’re often quick to compliment others on how nice they are or just tell them “I like you” or “I love you” but how often do we compliment ourselves? When was the last time you said “I love you” to yourself? Not nearly as enough as you tell your loved ones.

Mindfulness meditation can be incorporated in your daily schedule. Just 5 or 10 minutes of mindfulness meditation can produce significant results in your outlook. The key is to practice it daily and start becoming aware of the present moment. Most of us operate on autopilot. Wouldn’t it be nice to stop and smell flowers on our way to work or feel the breeze on our cheeks while running instead of being preoccupied with reaching somewhere?

Battling with addictions? Do you need help controlling your thoughts and emotions? Counseling can certainly help. Feel free to contact Orly Gueron a Licensed marriage and family therapist and relationship specialist in Aventura, FL!